If you like your Polident clean & green, then smile!

Polident knows how to bring out the Hollywood haymakers from days gone by! Back in 1986 they searched high and low for old-timers who chose a new set of chompers along with their mid-life facelifts and rounded up the likes of Martha Raye, Henny Youngman, Danny Thomas and Yvonne DeCarlo to show off their fake pearly whites. I wonder if Danny Thomas is relying on the cleaning power of Polident to get those smoke stains back out of his smile? I hope for the sake of his endorsement deal, that the power of Polident prevails. 

According to Mr. T.. It's cool.

The mid 80s found Mr. T with his own Saturday morning cartoon show where he portrayed a chaperone/coach of a co-ed gymnastics team that didn't do much more than ride around in an A-Teamish van and combat foul play. At least that's what I remember about it... Anyhoo, this 1984 commercial for Mr. T cereal boasts to taste like crispy corn with a touch of brown sugar. I imagine that's kinda what Mr. T tastes like too. 

Are you ready for some ice hockey? (Please read in best "are you ready for some football" voice)

Do you miss Phil Hartman like I do? Well, here's thirty seconds of Mr. H wigging out over the new Activision Atari 2600 Ice Hockey game sometime in the early 80s. I remember playing this game with my brothers but I don't remember the action getting so heated. I also remember going to electronic stores that weren't the size of grocery stores to get those games. Good times...

Remember when Madonna was fun?

Back when MTV still had something to do with music - stars showed their political prowess by filming Rock the Vote spots recruiting young and most likely completely politically clueless voters. This Madonna commercial features the hypersexed Ms. M scantically clad and wrapped in an American Flag (scandalous, not) rapping about civic duty to the tune of Vogue. It's really more a series of outtakes showing the now-only-seen-if-perfect Madonna back when she didn't give a crap what people thought. I miss that Madonna.

Suzanne Somers moves her tail for you!

Continental Airlines recruited sexy Suzanne Somers to shake her corporate tail feather in this circa 70something commercial spot. Accompainied by a throng of crooning co-workers, she extols the merits of the new DC10 Express Flight to Chicago. The goofy theme song with the tagline of "We really move our tail for you!" would be the highlight of this commercial if not for the eternally cute Suzanne. She's here in her heydey of blonde ambition, looking fresh and ready to fly the friendly skies. Oh duh... that's United Airlines. Wait, aren't they the same company now? I can't keep up... just press play and watch already.  

Joey, it's so fancy!

I love this commercial from 1970 for the AMC Ambassador featuring a young Robert DeNiro, as Joey, the stereotypical Italian-boy-made-good. He looks snazzy enough to ride in his fancy new car in that white sport coat. This commercial was excellent training ground for the next two dozen rolls Robert would play... young Italian guy with mystery money who loves his mothah.

Lovin from the oven with Kirsten Dunst

This 1988 commercial for Pillsbury microwaveable side dishes features a tiny Kirsten Dunst - probably around age 4 or 5. She's sporting some serious curls and a serious love for some cheesy scalloped potatoes. It's hard to recognize her until you spot that toothy grin near the end. Beep, beep.

Old Navy commercials that should have their own Nick at Nite show...

The late 90s were a kitschy time for the Old Navy brand, they drug out nostalgic stars to lure us into buying surplus pants and performance fleece. I've rounded up three Carrie Donovan commercials where she is cavorting with A, okay B, okay C listers as they hock the weekly wares for ON.  First up is a 1998 Christmas ditty with Morgan Fairchild and Carrie practically chanting "performance fleece"... worth watching for Morgan's trombone pantomime halfway through.  

Next up, Earth Kitt and Ms. Donovan purr out their love for surplus pants in this 1999 spot. Eartha seduces Magic the dog with her feline fabulosity and flips over Old Navy's prices. Gotta say she looks pretty damn good in this commercial.

And lastly, this 1997 "Magic Holiday Special"  has Carrie celebrating with her celeb pals Tom and Dick, aka the Smothers Brothers, BenVereen, and Morgan Fairchild in true loose, layered, fun style! Can you imagine actually being stuck at a lodge with this group... what in the world would the evening devolve to after the merits of performance fleece had been exhausted in conversation. The imagination runs wild.... something tells me Ben is a bad boy.

The future President cares about clean hands...

This 1960s spot for Boraxo hand soaps features a future world leader, Ronald Reagan, doing his best to shill this soapy goodness. The spot highlights the attractive plastic container version for your kitchen sink, and their revolutionary waterless hand cleaner for dirtier jobs. I'm not sure what year this is from... but either Mr. Reagan was heavily influenced or heavily influential on Mr. Rogers. Fred, meet Ronald, Ronald, meet Fred. Now won't you be my neighbor? We can share sweaters?

She's a doll, y'all.

I suppose the teenage dream, is to not only be as perfect as a Barbie doll, but to actually BE a Barbie doll. Brooke Shields was immortalized forever in this 1982 commercial for a doll of her likeness. Although she wasn't an official Barbie, she was obviously better - she comes with lots of clothes, a brush and a ring for ME! The way that girl thanks her doll is a little weird. I gotta admit, I was fascinated with Brooke Shields around this time after I watched Endless Love one night while babysitting. Probably the first rated R movie I ever saw. She was a "woman" in my eyes. lol. 

Channelling the Jets... or is it the Sharks?

This 1970 AMC Javelin commercial features Richard Dreyfuss doing his American Graffiti character with Russ Tamblyn's West Side Story sidekicks. The car is sweet, the joke at the end is a nice twist, and Richard is still at that stage in his career when he was unaffected and had a sense of humor. Where did that Richard go?

Now those are some stains...

Wowza, those are some knee stains. Very specific and symmetrical. This Spray-n-Wash commercial from 1970 features a bubbly vision of sunshine that looks suspiciously like Betty White. I never remember my jeans being "permanent press" - that sounds a little high maintenance to me... but what would I know, I was an infant in 1970. Textile technology has come a long way in 40 years... yet ironically, I still use Spray-n-Wash. And I bet Betty White does too.

If John Travolta and Thor had a baby...

... it would look a little like John Goodman in this Foot Locker ad circa 1981. He looks like a Disney cartoon character as he ambles into the store demanding kicks from Adidas to Tretorns for every sporting activity you can imagine. He's kinda got a Jolly Green Giant thing going on here with that deep voice, those flowing locks and towering height. How did he turn into Dan Connor 7 years later? Maybe it was the Egg McMuffins?

Little Leo is keepin it poppin!

I'm guessing this Bubble Yum commercial is from the late 80s, maybe early 90s based soley on the font used in catchphrases. Leonardo diCaprio does his best to make us believe that he keeps it poppin solely with his bubble gum and bodacious boombox. I'm sure those piles of cash you've got stashed away don't hurt your mojo Leo... but you keep on poppin.

Picky Paul approves of his Instant Coffee... it pours itself!

This odd commercial with Paul Lynde for Maxwell House from the late 60s shows us quintessential Paul in all his snarky glory. He complains about the toast, he complains about the eggs, but he can't say a single bad thing about the coffee. He's left so speechless that evidently he can't bother to comment on the fact that it poured itself across the table by itself either. Denial is a powerful thing, eh Paul?